I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
