took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i love accidental penises.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
