When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
