spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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