I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
