Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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