Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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