no one should ever give us hovercrafts
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
