Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
