Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
