the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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