You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
