i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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