My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
