We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
