I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
