How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
