New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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