Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
