My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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