So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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