Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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