i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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