go do what you do best...puke behind churches
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
