I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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