carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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