If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
