Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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