thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
