Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
