Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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