I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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