Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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