Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
