Non-Jews are for practice
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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