she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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