i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
