yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's never too late to be topless.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
