If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
