Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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