I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
