the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
