I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
