My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
