The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
