Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
