Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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