no, he came in my armpit
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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