Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
