I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
