We got so high we made milksteak
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
