Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
