FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
