the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
